


Weekly Prompt 1: A Snake Knows More...

by azrael_deaths_angel



Series: The League of Extraordinary British Betas Weekly Prompts [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Crowley plays a prank on Aziraphale, Fluff, It goes sorta horribly wrong, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), The League of Extraordinary British Betas, Writing Prompt, feeding ducks, weekly prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23607664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azrael_deaths_angel/pseuds/azrael_deaths_angel
Summary: In which Crowley decides he is going to play a prank on Aziraphale and it goes badly wrong. Fluff ensues. Title from Jaggi Vasudev quote, “A snake knows more about what is happening around than any other creature…” He also happens to know more because he started it.Use of Week 1 prompt - What is a Bellend? Wrong Answers Only
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: The League of Extraordinary British Betas Weekly Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699255
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12
Collections: The League of Extraordinary British Betas - Weekly Prompt Challenge





	Weekly Prompt 1: A Snake Knows More...

“Hey, Angel! Where are you?” Crowley yelled into the seemingly empty shop as he walked in. He was lazing on a Sunday afternoon with nothing better to do when the idea struck him of taking Aziraphale to lunch, and maybe playing a little prank on him. It had been a while since Crowley had done that and he figured it was about time to have another small laugh at his Angel’s expense.

Aziraphale came waltzing out of the back room with a load of books in his arms, presumably ready for the shelf, although he would never dream of actually _trying_ to sell them. When he noticed Crowley, he nearly dropped the whole stack, having apparently not heard him come in or yelling.

“Angel! There you are. How about you pack up early today and we go for a picnic?” he purred, slinking closer to the angel.

His face lit up when Crowley suggested it. “Oh, yes, dear! That sounds lovely!” He nearly dropped the stack of books again trying to set them down. They went outside and hopped in the Bentley to find a soft, shady, grassy spot in St. James Park to have their quiet picnic.

Crowley was lounging back on the quilt that he had brought with them staring up at the mottled, late afternoon sunshine coming through the leaves in the trees. He smiled to himself when he thought about the prank that he was planning to pull on Zira.

“Hey, Angel.”

Aziraphale stopped mid-sentence of some story or other that he was regaling Crowley with. Honestly, the demon hadn’t been paying much attention to the story, but rather, just the sound of Aziraphale’s voice, babbling on like a 6,000-year-old brook. With wings.

“Yes, dearest?”

Crowley sat up, pulling his knees up and resting his elbows on them. “I just learned a new phrase the other day that I think you are going to love.”

“Really? Do tell.”

“Bellend.”

“Bellend? I’ve never heard of it.”

“I wouldn't have thought so. It’s something new that all the kids are using these days.”

“What does it mean?”

At this, Crowley had to fight not to smile. Aziraphale always knew when the demon was pulling a prank on him if he let a smile slip. So he didn’t let it. Keeping his cool, he replied, “It means something to the equivalent of ‘good sir’. Like, when you order that favourite ice lolly of yours and you always say ‘thank you, good sir’ every time you pay. Now you can say ‘bellend’.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely, Crowley. I’m going to start using it right away.”

It was all the strength Crowley had not to snort and then burst out laughing when Aziraphale said that.

It was a few days later when Crowley strolled into the shop again, this time to a customer leaving in a huff. This wasn’t an unusual occurrence, mind you. Aziraphale had a habit of having customers run off in a huff because he refused to sell them a book. This seemed different, though. When Crowley got to Aziraphale, he was still standing behind the counter, staring down at his hands resting on the worn wood surface. He looked slightly upset.

“What’s wrong, Angel?”

“When that man came to pay for his book, I actually decided to sell it to him. But when I told him to ‘enjoy it, bellend’ he got so upset that he left the book here.” The angel gestured to the paperback on the counter in front of him.

Crowley bit back a smile. He was a bit upset that his prank had managed to upset Aziraphale some, but it hadn’t caused him too much harm.

“Well, at least you can add this book back to the collection then.”

“Yes. I guess so.” That seemed to cheer him up a bit, at least.

It was about a fortnight after that when Adam came waltzing into the shop. It had been a while since he had popped into London to see his two uncles and he decided it was time for a visit. He popped into the shop, unnoticed by the angel or Crowley who was asleep in snake form on one of the sunnier window sills.

When Aziraphale came out of the back room and noticed Adam, he greeted him. “Ah, hello young bellend! It’s good to see you again!”

Crowley heard it and rolled his eyes. Or… he would have had he been in human form. Adam got quite the shock when he asked his dad what a bellend was later that night. He didn’t mention it to his dad or to Aziraphale again.

Crowley finally called off his prank a couple days after Adam’s visit when they were taking a stroll in the park. They had run out of bread to feed the ducks and asked a man standing next to them if they could borrow some of his bread. Especially seeing as he had bread, but he was not _actually_ feeding the ducks and hadn’t been for some time. He obliged and Aziraphale responded with, “Why thank you, bellend.”

Crowley had thought it was a simple but funny prank up until the moment he didn’t. And that moment came when the tall, burly man who had given them the bread decided he was going to lay Aziraphale out on the floor. Now, granted, Aziraphale was an angel, a principality and the Guardian of the East Gate of Eden at that. But Crowley couldn’t help the overwhelming sense of protectiveness that overcame him when this man decided to punch Aziraphale for the name. Crowley quickly checked to make sure no one else in the park was looking and flew Aziraphale and himself back home to the bookshop. The man in the park blinked with surprise that his target had vanished and then went about his business. The memory of the angel and the demon flying away would fade enough that most days he could almost convince himself that it had been a dream. Almost.

Once back at the flat above the shop, Crowley finally and awkwardly explained his prank on Aziraphale. Of course, his first reaction was to blush furiously and then the need to apologize to everyone that he had said it to overtook his embarrassment. He explained this to Crowley who just told him that most of them had likely forgotten already and it didn’t matter. Aziraphale was about to argue the point, despite its being moot, when he finally registered how badly Crowley had felt about the whole thing, of making people angry at Aziraphale, which upset him and then nearly getting Aziraphale hurt because of a stupid prank.

That night, Crowley stayed in Aziraphale’s flat rather than going back to his own. Aziraphale repeatedly assured him that he was forgiven and that nothing had turned out horribly, but it would be almost a month before Crowley finally accepted that.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone that doesn’t know what bellend means, go look it up. It’s a strictly British term. And as always, thanks for reading. Leaving comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
